I guess some people never grow up....

I went to my good friend's wedding today and it was a beautiful ceremony. I ended up having a anxiety attack and making myself sick though. I went and got my hair done today so that I would feel good about how I looked. I bought a dress especially for the occasion and wore new shoes that were really cute. I was really confident until two women that I know walked into the ceremony. I was polite, I smiled and waved. However what happened next made me extremely self conscious. They kept looking and me and talking and laughing, so much so that my husband even noticed. It wasn't like there was anyone behind me either, it was aimed at me. I know it is probably because they aren't happy with their lives and need to drag someone else down, but why me? I hate being fat, I hate being self conscious and most of all I hate the way people treat me because I am fat. I hope to see a different side of people after the surgery, but one thing is for sure, I will NEVER EVER treat a person the way I have been treated while being FAT!!! I was so upset today that I couldn't even stay for the reception. I was on the verge of tears I was so distraught. Thank goodness for my husband, he is the best guy in the whole world. He got me calmed down and made me laugh. It made the biggest difference in the world at least I could go home and not spend the rest of the evening in tears. Even thinking about it now, it makes me nauseous, how can people be so mean?

Old Records Received

I logged onto my account on Dr. Graber's website and they received my old records from my endocrinologist as well as my PCP. That is one less thing that I have to worry about.

I am being extremely good with my diet as I get weighed in a week from tomorrow. I want to show them that I am serious about this surgery. I just hope that I am loosing. My jeans keep sliding down so hopefully that is a good sign. I didn't walk yesterday because I spend almost the entire day packing our office at work because we moved to another building today. I was wiped out when I go home. I am going to try to go walk tonight so that I can make a habit of it.

A Few More Things Off of the List....

Done - Referrals for all Pre-Op Appointments from PCPs Office
Done - Fax request for PCP to send copies of my records to Dr. Graber's Office
Done - Thyroid Blood Work
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Wow. I made some serious headway today. I was going to ask my boss today about the working from home, but he had a family emergency and had to leave early this morning. I'll try to touch base with him tomorrow. I took care of the referrals and request for files to be sent first thing this morning. My husband and I went out at lunch so that I could have my thyroid blood work done and we stopped at McDonalds. I had a cheeseburger Happy Meal, with a small fry and a bottled water. I wanted a toy, but I got NOTHING. Oh well.

I walked a half of a mile today and it wasn't too bad. I wanted to do more, but I was afraid that I would over do it and be sore tomorrow. I'm looking forward to increasing my speed and distance. I want to prove to my husband that I'm going to stick with it so that he'll be on board with my decision to get and Elliptical Machine after the surgery.

Got the Letter....

I finally got the letter and paperwork from Dr. Graber's office. Everything seems to be all set I have to go have blood work done as well as have some files transferred to his office. I need to get that done sooner rather than later so that they can get information to the Insurance Company. I'll try to get it done this week. I can cross another thing off of my list from last week. The treadmill is out of the corner so that I can walk even if it is raining out as Spring is FINALLY here!!! The only two things that are still on my original list are to call my PCPs office to get referrals for my appointments and to ensure that I can work from home for the two weeks after surgery.

I've been busy all weekend and I can honestly say that I've eaten out at least once every day. I'm trying to be good, and I am making better decisions and I'm definitely noticing that I am not as hungry all the time and I am eating less. I know that I still have a long way to go and I am hoping that it will get easier as I get closer to the surgery.

I went shopping with my mother 2 days this weekend and I have a lot of respect for smaller people now. I may be very large, but my mother is a size 4. She has difficulties finding clothes too. I guess that it just goes to show you that no matter what size you are you can't always find things that are perfect for you. I can't wait to be thinner - shopping will be fun!

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures!

Well my husband took pictures of me this morning both in my underwear (only for my eyes) as well as with clothes on from the Front, Left Side, Back and Right Side. I was a little shocked by them but as he told me this morning he thinks that I have lost weight since I went to Dr. Graber for my first consultation, which did make me feel a little better.

I've been updating a file on my PC with what I've been eating on a daily basis as well as my water intake. I'm hoping that it will help me stay focused. I went out to lunch on Thursday and said I would only have 1 breadstick. I lied, they were calling my name and because I was in a class all morning I ate breakfast much earlier than normal that day I was ready to eat my arm off by the time I made it to lunch. I had a bowl of soup, salad and 4 Breadsticks. I was a bad, bad girl. I came home and had the other 1/2 of my entree from Wednesday for dinner.

Today I went to lunch with my Mother and had a 1/2 of a tuna sandwich w/ a small handful of chips and about 5 french fries. I was more than satisfied. The only bad thing that happened today was that I had stopped at Walmart for a few things and by the time I was checking out I was starving and thirsty. I got a bottle of water which wasn't the problem and a 100 calorie pack of Beef Jerky. The jerky was awesome until I remembered that it was a Friday during Lent - eek. I had to call my mother to ask if I would go to he!! for eating meat on a Friday, to which she replied NO! It wasn't like I did it knowingly, oops!!

I logged onto my account on Dr. Graber's website today to find out that my medical consultation is scheduled with an EKG on May 23rd. I've got quite the list of appointments and they are all written down on my calendar so that I can keep them straight. I hope that I get a letter from the office telling me who the appointments are with as right now they are just dates and times.

I don't have much planned this weekend other than working on finishing a quilt that I am making for my girlfriend' s wedding that is this coming weekend. It is all done with the exception of hand sewing on the binding. It will take some time, but I'm hoping to get it done between tomorrow and Sunday.